My Yucky Pills


I once had a kiddo confess to me that they took “yucky pills” to help control their emotions and to not “get really angry. With tears in their eyes, they said, “I don’t like taking them. They’re yucky. I just want to be like Jesus.”

And my heart broke into thousand tiny pieces. I understood that struggle, I understood that pain. I know what it’s like to have to take “yucky pills” when just the idea of taking them is defeating. I know what it’s like to say, “I don’t want to be this way… I just want to be like my Jesus.”

So I knelt down, looked them in the eyes and said, “I’m sorry, I know it’s hard… you know why? Because I have to take yucky pills, too. Because I get really angry and feel out of control sometimes. And sometimes I don’t want to take my pills. But you know what? The pills, even though they can taste yucky, they are a gift from God. You know how God heals people in the Bible? God still does that and performs miracles, even today! But sometimes God heals us and performs miracles by giving us gifts like pills to help heal us. How amazing is it that He gave us doctors to make medicines to help heal us?! Isn’t that an awesome way for God to show us how much He loves us?! By taking our pills, we are trust that God is healing us… and it’s making us more like Jesus!”

And I saw the wheels turning in their mind. It was a lot for a little one to absorb (okay, it was a lot for me to absorb and I’m the one who said it), but finally there was a small smile and a nod, “Yeah, I never thought of that before.”

“So, let’s make a deal,” I continued, “If you work hard to take your pills, even when they seem yucky, I promise I will also work hard to take my pills. Does that sound good to you?”

Instead of a yes or any words, I received a big hug. Then I watched as they ran off to go play with the rest of the group.

The truth is there are days where I still struggle to take my “yucky pills.” Sometimes I wake up late and I just forget, sometimes I fall asleep before I reach over and take them, and sometimes I look at them and just think about how I would do anything to not take them.

But I need to take them.

These tiny pills help me choose hope over shame, help me choose joy over sorrow, help me choose life over death. They help me speak loving words to my husband instead of harsh, painful words. They help me get up in the morning and go to bed at a reasonable hour. They help me, they really do.

And on the days where I am tired, feeling defeated, and I just don’t want to take them, I remember the words I told my little friend. These tiny pills are a gift from my Heavenly Father who created me, who designed me, and know the perfect plans for me. He knew sin would have an effect on my brain, so He created them to help me be able to choose hope, to choose joy, to choose life. He did this because He loves me. So in return, I take them as the simplest way to say, “Thank You.” By being obedient and taking these gifts, these tiny miracles, He is shaping me into His image and making me more like Jesus.

So if you’re struggling to take your pills…

Choose hope. Choose joy. Choose life to the fullest.

Choose a tiny action step that can bring you tomorrow.

If you work hard to take your pills, even when they seem yucky, I promise I will also work hard to take my pills. Does that sound good to you?

Please know this: If you need accountability to remember to take your pills, I would love to be someone who can support you.

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